Naming your brand new precious little bundle can be one of the hardest decisions you will ever undertake. Do you honour a family member, take inspiration from your favourite book or TV show, find a name with the most beautiful meaning, or just go with a name you like the sound of.
Some of us will spend hours trying out our favoured name out loud, with varying combinations of middle names, testing out how it sounds with our surname. Other people… Well they really should have taken more time doing this!
There are some names, lovely as they may be on their own, that really shouldn’t have been paired with the surnames they have. Sometimes two otherwise perfectly common names when pronounced separately, unfortunately roll into one to make an altogether less desirable word or phrase.
That’s what we have come here today to highlight, so if you have a little one on the way and see your surname on our list- you have been warned! Funny as they are, no child deserves to be saddled with one of these monikers for life…
This has to be the ultimate in joke names and the first mentioned on our list, because you must have been living under a rock if you've never heard of this silly name! Lots of you may assume that the joke here is so obvious that surely it can’t be anyone’s real name? Well you might be sort of right, we haven’t actually found proof that it is anybody’s given birth name. But it has been adopted by one fella as a stage name. But when you hear what his profession is, it makes a little bit more sense that he would choose a double meaning name like this one. Born Simon James Honey, the man now known as Ben Dover is an award winning and internationally famous English pornographic actor, director and producer. Figures! Now if only he was to marry a lady named Eileen...
We’ve stolen this one from the 1988 television film of the same name, where George Carlin stars as a private investigator named Justin Case. An aptly chosen name for a character and plot revolving around solving a murder case! But upon looking into it, we found a real life Justin Case too, the actor and writer from London, made famous for his roles in ‘Return to Oz’, ‘Superman III’ and Final Cut.
It is also the pen name adopted by at least two writers, one in America and one in the UK. Well there’s nothing as good for advertising yourself as a memorable name after all, at at least this one isn’t rude or suggestive like the last!
Chris P Bacon
This one I had to read twice. So if it isn’t immediately obvious to you too, just read it again, but faster! There you go. Someone really did name their child after the ultimate in hangover cures, the wondrous crispy bacon.
Although we could possibly forgive them, maybe they never anticipated that their sweet little baby Christian Paul Bacon would grow up to become known by the shortened version of his name. But he did, and has even made the name a widely recognised one thanks to the fame brought about by his successful career as a film music composer.
Look out for this mouthwatering name on the credits of movies such as ‘Alpha and Omega’, ‘Source Code’, ‘Gnomeo & Juliet’, ‘Sherlock Gnomes’ and ‘Men in Black: International’.
This one sounds pretty harmless and common upon first hearing, but it actually has the potential to be hugely offensive. Have you realised why yet? We’ll leave it for you to figure out and let’s just say, we hope none of the 178 men registered with this name in the United States like to be known by the nickname Mike...
May Q Pay
This one is more of a gag name and we can’t imagine any parents would ever seriously consider this combination for their little one, but I’d imagine if they did, they would end up being the ones made to pay for it!
We discovered this name over in the states again as a Roller Derby Athlete for The Denver Roller Derby Dolls has rebranded herself as May Q Pay. I’ll bet her opposing teams are intimidated!
These two separately handsome names were originally strung together by actress Amy Schumer, when naming her little baby boy in 2019. However, unfortunately, it was only after registering the birth and their chosen name, that she and her partner realised the pairing of the two words had a distinct resemblance to the word ‘genital’!
This seems like a pretty good reason to change a name, and the ever transparent talking Amy admits their mistake and that they have since legally changed the wee one’s middle name to the safer sounding David. Well at least they realised before the poor kid started school is all we’ll say!
This one doesn’t need any further explanation… Trees are green! And it’s a surprisingly common real life name. We’ve found several well known Theresa Greens, including an actress, known for ‘Dual Suspects’, an ER doctor from Florida, and a published professor of rehabilitation nursing. So I think it’s safe to say that this unusual moniker hasn’t slowed the success of these ladies!
Looks fairly inconspicuous written down, but once you say this name aloud you have to wonder if the parents didn't have particularly high hopes for their daughter when they named her 'an offender'! Surely the opposite of what we all hope our little one's will grow up to be. But a quick search informs us that there is at least one lady bearing this name and doing very well for herself as a graduate from Colombia and recently selected for a leadership programme. So maybe it's not always true that we live up to our names!
And I'm not even joking! I think we have to safely assume that the parents involved in choosing this name are musically inclined, enjoy a sing song themselves, and chose this name entirely on purpose knowing what they were doing. Because surely nobody could say Carrie Oakey out loud and not hear what it sounds like! And it definitely has been used as a given name, currently registered to at least one person, and I'm just really hoping she is lucky enough to have the voice of an angel!
With an unusual surname like Coli, I'm sure that this family always knew their son's name was going to be fairly unique. And who doesn't like Ernie! Such a sweet name for a baby which grows into a strong name on an adult. But these parents obviously didn't practise every format of writing out this name, because what happens when a form asks for first initial and surname? This poor guy becomes E. Coli. It really is a wonder that he has managed to go on and run a successful Mexican restaurant, with a name like that we are sure that Environmental Health will be knocking on his door soon enough!
These are just a few of the real life examples we have stumbled across, but we’ve love to hear of any silly names you have come across in your lives, or maybe you have an unfortunate name yourself and would like to share how it has affected you.