Divorce with a young child: Everything you need to know.
Divorce means changes in everything around you, especially for the kids.
Divorce is a life-changing decision that imposes a lot of changes in life, whether good or bad. Divorcing your spouse can occur because of a specific circumstance or disagreement; it is rarely a spot decision and is mostly done for a healthy cause. One way or the other, getting divorced with a child or newborn can be as much of a shock and struggle to the child as it is to you, especially if they didn’t see it coming.
A divorce that is presented poorly to a child can cripple their sense of being and living, as children that are very sensitive and pay a lot of attention to their environment will likely undergo a damaging change in the way they see the world. As a parent, your kids see you as their guide, and role model; they would brag about you and even though they may not show or say it at times, all they truly know at first is love for their parents, so when they have to face a world where both parents are separated, they spiral into darkness.
They must always feel the love of their parents, as this is when they will need it the most. They must feel that nothing around them is going to change, and they should be aware that they have nothing to do with this decision, even if the parents have to lie about this.
The effects of a divorce on a young child (if mishandled).
They see the world from a different perspective.
The divorce isn’t just a bad Sunday for a child; it is now their reality, and one they will try to hide from. As a child, growing up with separated parents can be the turning point in everything they know, including who they are. Children with divorced parents grow up with self-imposed stigmas, ones they might never talk about to anybody. They might feel displaced in life, suffer health issues, get jealous of children whose parents are still married, look down on society as they grow, view the world as an unfair place, wind up with temper issues, and some overly sensitive ones might even blame themselves for the divorce.
Children who come from broken homes, especially ones which take no planned steps towards the upbringing of the child, are more likely to end up with negatively warped behavior. They feel that their parents’ divorced state is an excuse to act out whenever they want, and might be arrogant, unsatisfied with life, live in dark places in their mind, and not want to be a part of any helpful activities.
Repercussions when they get married.
This is like lashing back, and although he or she can fight it, it's very common for children who grew up in broken homes to face a bash of problems in their married life. Whether it’s what they saw, gleaned or what is just nature, sequences have been set in motion to determine what it will be like when these children grow up and get married.
How to break the news to your child.
Letting a child know of your decision to get a divorce isn't the easiest thing to do, as if you miss a step or a tone and pass on a wrong message when the child is involved, the scar will be there forever. After a good settlement has been done on the topic of child custody, it is best to be soft and to show as much emotion as you can. And not emotions about how free you want to be from your partner for your own happiness, but emotions for the child; show that you understand how hard this is going to be for him or her and that you want the best for them. Hug them and kiss them, don’t give them a reason to cry, and try not to unload too many dirty truths on them.
Keeping your cool.
Children can easily sense when their parents are hurt or unhappy – especially newborns. It’s thus essential that before letting your children know about the divorce plans that you and your partner are on your best behavior, showing no possible signs of anger, hate or conflict, as these could make their meek minds wonder to many places and conclusions.
Be sure before you blow it off.
Do not in any circumstances tell your children about your divorce plans unless you are ready to take action. Telling the young ones about such a decision before you are ready to take the steps can keep them on edge and cause a lot of anxiety; it’s best not to do any packing either or let anything that could lead them to your divorce case loose until you are ready to take action.
Choose your words wisely and with love.
When you let these words loose, do it playfully, without revealing how serious these words are to them. Do not be too blunt, as this can break their hearts and leave burns. Instead, let them take it in as playful a way as possible like ‘Daddy and I are going to have separate houses from now no', ‘guess what? You are going to be spending weekends with your mom now, how about that?’ the less disturbing these words are, yet not far from the truth, the better.
Stay in their lives after the divorce.
This is the period where you prove everything you’ve been telling them, as it will either give them a chance at happiness again or break them. After a divorce, partners are separated, which may or may not be a significant change in the way things are for a child, but if the divorced parents don’t play roles in raising the child, it will only mean a turn for the worst.
There isn’t room for change.
A child who has divorced parents will still want a happy family life; they will not want things to change. They want their mom as much as they want their dad, and anything that can change that could break that desire. Make sure to do your best to be there for them when they need you, and keep things going the way they always have been, from going out together to having fun together.
Touch is very essential.
Children need your touch, your hugs, so show and express your love for them in every single way you can – tuck them into bed, kiss them on the cheek, etc.
They have their own minds.
Kids are humans with feelings just like you, and they need to express those feelings. Don’t be impulsive towards them, and don’t leave them in the awkward situation of having to pick between mummy and daddy. Just let them think for themselves and feel at ease.
They will do as you do.
Children look up to their parents as their guide to life, so if you act wildly around others, strangers, and most importantly, your divorced partner, then don’t expect any less of them. If you go around blaming your ex or act arrogantly around them then just prepare to answer to their attitude one day or another.
The quick and easy path to divorce.
Now an extra tip for partners seeking to part ways. With the advent of the internet, and in an ever-progressing world, divorcing has been made easy and feasible for every married couple. Through online divorce services, divorcing has been made efficient, easy and clear, with the advantage of a lower cost rate compared to courts these days. All you have to do is sign up, fill in some initial documents, not worrying because the spousal documents will be served, complete your financial information and use the same platform to pass on information to your spouse, getting the work of child custody, support, and asset division settled on the platform. And just in case, it includes settlement terms into the judgment; file it with your local court and you’re done.