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My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
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Author:  edwards [ 11 Sep 2009 16:23 ]
Post subject:  My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
Im not sure where to put this. Bit of a moan!

My parents, mainly my mum as dad is at work, look after my daugter when I work. I work two days a week, so spend the rest of the week with her.

My days I am off are structured that I get stuff done in the house etc at some point, but we always do an activity or go somewhere which is for my daughter - she is the reason I am not working the other days, so feel I should and enjoy taking her places. We go to toddler gym one day, swimming another, baby group another, as well as meeting up with friends etc. She likes to be constantly entertained and has ALOT of energy, so taking her places ensures she is stimulated, but also tired out for naps and bedtime.

However, when she goes to my parents its almost as if she has to just fit in with their day, (which may I say is very boring!), from what I can gather - I am not there so dont know the exact picture, but she just potters around playing with her toys, mainly on her own, whilst they sit on the sofa watching her or mum gets on with her chores, mum will walk into town to pop to the shops with her in the buggy, but thats about the extent of the day.

I have suggested a couple of times that mum takes her to groups, this hasnt happened, I also recommended a new group starting in her area which is for grandparents and toddlers - I saw it and thought PERFECT! But when I told mum she said the usual mum things (when they mean no) like, I have written it down, something to bear in mind and we'll see - those last words are key - that always means no!

My parents arent particularly sociable, we were all very shy children and I am trying to avoid that for my daughter. Whenever we go to family parties, rather than mingling, my parents stick together and when we were younger, we would stay with them.

Then since having my daughter when we go to family parties, I want her to play with the other children and encourage her to do so and I can see them thinking she should be sat with us, we want to spend more time with her, but they see her loads and I want her to find socialising natural rather than an effort.

Essay over - basically I have set the scene - any advice??
Author:  LisaMumToHarley [ 11 Sep 2009 16:51 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
I dont think you need to worry to much about the 2days that your daughter is at your parents. As you spend so much time with your daughter at social activities i doubt 2 quiet days a week will make a difference to her social confidence. Also it may be good as she will learn how to amuse herself so if in the the future her lifestyle isnt as busy she may not be given as much attention as she wants, it wont be so difficult for her to deal with. But if you are worried she may be bored or becoming miserable at ur parents, then possibly take around paints and paper with a little apron and say to your mum that you have told your daughter she can paint you a lovely picture today, or ask if she can have a little time to help water the plants in the garden. So you no she is doing something useful with her day. If worst comes to worse you could put your daughter in nursery one of these days but then thats extra costs. Maybe stick with the parents a little longer. :D Hope this helps a bit x
Author:  emma+3 [ 11 Sep 2009 17:37 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
Hi I too think as she is with your doing activities most of the time the days with her grandparents being quieter will not matter. My dad looked after my son on a friday when he was younger. Their day consisited of pottering, normally walking into town having a coffee then coming home. They sometimes went to great grandparensts for a coffee too! Well the relationship that grandad and grandson have is so strong and i love seeing them together they seem to have this extra special bond. In fact nanny doesnt get a lookin!

I think my point is that although your daughter may not be having activity experience she will be having other experiences and devloping relationshiops without you that is beneficial.
Author:  edwards [ 11 Sep 2009 18:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
Thank you for your replies. When she is with me I too let her play alone as I obviously need to get stuff done, but I think that getting out and doing something is quite important. I dont know how my mum doesnt go nuts just staying at home and maybe popping into town!! Sometimes my daughter is like a goldfish, just walking round and round the room! lol!

She isnt miserable and is happy there. Im sure there are people out there that do this all the time - just stay at home - maybe its just because I like to be active the thought of staying in would drive me insane - I automatically think others like being busy too.

(I know my parents dont like being busy - they stay in aaaaaallll the time and watch tv)
Author:  BlondeLou [ 11 Sep 2009 18:08 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
I have to agree with the other ladies. I think maybe a couple of quieter days with granny & grandad would be a nice thing for her & give her some quality time with them. I'm not sure how old your mother is but maybe her age might be a factor in not wanting or being able to be as active as you'd like :?

I would agree with Lisa's suggestion of taking a different activity round to granny's house for your lo to do whilst you're at work... paints, books anything really. Maybe you could buy stuff to leave there in a box which she could get out when she is there to keep her more amused :D
Author:  KathrynC [ 11 Sep 2009 18:34 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
Can't help but agree. Going to Nan and Pop's house has always been a treat for my kids and my mum and dad never really did anything exciting with them. Even now as teenagers they all love them to bits though. I'd go up to pick them up after they'd slept the night when they were little and they'd be as happy as Larry just sitting on the living-room floor playing with something as bland as my Mum's peg box! She'd give them ordinary household things to play with and they loved it! I think little ones love just pottering around and if she's getting plenty of activity on other days you really needn't worry!
Author:  edwards [ 11 Sep 2009 19:32 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
It must be just me then. My mum is pretty young, for being a grandparent, she is 48.

I also personally think my mum would benefit from getting out and meeting people, she doesnt socialise at all - sad I think.

We shall see how it goes. I know I used to love going to my nans as we would sit and play games etc cards/backgammon (funny when I think about it now as we were so young playing gamling games - tee hee) but they made effort. I feel like my mum just treats immy like she did us - let her get on with it, without stimulation from them.

Thanks for your thoughts though ladies, I may think differently when my daughter is older, I wish she could tell me what she thought of her day.
Author:  Sel [ 12 Sep 2009 12:40 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
As the other ladies have already said, I think your daughter is getting the best of both worlds. She is being stimulated most if the week with you, but she is also learning independent play at her Grandparents. If your daughter still comes home from her Grandparents happy and contented, I wouldn't worry so much. You're Mother may not be as sociable and as active as you, and it sounds like you're annoyed at this, but if it's a habit of a lifetime and she's happy the way she is, I don't think there's much you can do other than continue to make suggestions as you already are. However, I don't think this will do any harm to your daughter, as you keep her stimulated and occupied, and she is happy at her Grandparents. x
Author:  fiffes [ 12 Sep 2009 15:09 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
that sounds like mt mil. She does nothing with Ella at all - lucky if she even will take her for a walk. Thank goodness it will be my mum looking after her when i go back to work. I agree with the others tho Grandparents houses are always the best - even with no toys etc.
xx
Author:  edwards [ 13 Sep 2009 14:14 ]
Post subject:  Re: My parents are looking after my daughter when I go to work.
Thanks again ladies, hopefully she will learn independent play when she is there, that is a positive I guess, I would like her to learn more with them and feel they should make more of the time they have with her, as they love having her, but I think when she is 2 I am going to put her in nursery rather than her go there.

I prob am a bit annoyed with my mum for doing nothing with her life, just seems such a shame, she is in her own little bubble, which I know she isnt that happy in as every now and then it kind of peaks and she gets all emotional about being isolated etc, but hey - as you say - habit of a lifetime and she is too shy to break it even when a perfect opportunity arises as when you have a child with you making friends is easy.

Im sure when my little one grows up she'll say she wished I stayed at home and did nothing - lol :lol:
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