Hi, i really do feel like im going out of my head here so sorry if i seam to ramble. My son is 8 yrs old and has a fairly rough time of it. He has seen DV and has dyslexia so is fairly behind at school. They have now also confirmed he has ADHD and Aspergers. Once i took him out of the DV home his behaviour carmed down for a few months and he settled well at school so i refused medication for him. Now tho he just seams to be getting worse in every way posible. We have tried getting on to the 123 magic programme but as yet no joy! i love my son to bits but i really now am holding my hands up and saying that i dont know what to do next. I can get into see the ped for another 6 wks and even school are commenting on how he has changed. On the other side tho my mum is terminally illl in hospital so im running both hers and my house plus other tasks aswell as keeping smiling for my kids and dad so could i be making a mountain out of me being stressed or not explained and delt with my sons feeling right or is it time for medication??? sorry moan over and thanks for reading. any suggestions would be great.

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Hiya Shell.

Firstly I have not real advice as I have not experienced what you're going through but I just wanted to reply to you. You seem to have a hell of a lot going on at the moment. It's no wonder you are stressed out. I think i'd be tearing my hair out!

Do you have any friends or other family who could help you out by helping with your mom's house? I can't think of anything else to suggest. As I said, I have no experience of what you're facing but you seem to be doing everything right by everyone, but you do need to have a little time to yourself, in order to destress, or you'll be no good to anyone hun.

Hopefully someone else will come & reply who has experience of meds etc.

(((hugs)))

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It could well be that he is picking up on what is happening at home - therefore changing his behvaiours. My advice would be to let things settle at home first before looking into medication. Many children with Aspergers and Autism are very quick to pick up on changes in their home life, and the only way they can show it is upsetting them, is for their behaviours to change.
Chat to the school and explain what has been happening at home, and ask what strategies they use with him. If he is used to using Boardmaker or other symbols to tell him what is happening, make use of this. Have a set of symbols showing him what is happening. Or alternatively have you got a speech therapist for him - if yes get her to write your son a social story about the situation explaining that he must behave well during this time. If more often than not is he doesn't understand what is going on - why you are stressed / upset / not there as much etc.
If no for SLT, it is fairly easy to write a very basic social story yourself. I could do one for you also - but not till the schools break up in 2 weeks and then am away for 2 weeks on hols. If nothing sorted by then, pm me with all the details, and I will do my best to write you a social story for him.
Also what is the 123 magic programme - I have never heard of it. Personally I find these programmes help the surface of the condition and not the underlying problems. I prefer using Boardmaker, signing, social stories and lots and lots of routine with ASD kids.
Hope this helps
xx
PS - should have siad I am an SEN teacher here in EK working with moderate to very profoundly disabled kids especially ASD. I have worked in this field for almost 7 years
xx

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He did have a SLT but due to him at the time having that many other agencies involved she pulled out. maybe it would be worth getting her back involved. The 123 magic programe is to do with ADHD and dealing with behaviour. It was recomended we went on it by his pediatrician, but what the programme covers i honestly dont know. I like the idea of a social book and am willing to give it ago. is there any method to writing one or do i do it simple, fun with positive writing and pictures? sorry ive never heard of one before. But we have been left in the dark really on what things to use etc... ive tried reward systems but he doesn't respond to them either on gaining a reward or loosing something. ive also phoned cancerback up today who is also gonna send out a childrens book for us to share. X

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check out these sites for info on social stories
http://www. polyxo.com/socialstories/
http://www. thegraycenter.org/
You need to keep them failry light - with little info in them - depends on your child's reading ability and understanding of course. If un-able to read make it in pictorial form.
My offer of writing one stands - but as I say it will be in a few weeks before I have time to do it.
Worth while getting SLT back involved - I have never heard of him getting put off their books due to too many other agencies involved with him. That is shocking. God most kids in our school have SLT physio, OT, social worker, Bobath(a physio designed programme for cerebal palsy) play therapists, plus many many more and have never been refused by an agency for them seeing too many others.
Silly question - Is he mainstream or in a specialised school / unit? Either way he MUST ahve an IEP set up for him. Speak to his school about this. This is a set of targets that he will be expected to achieve by the end of the year. I would ask his school to include something about improved behaviour in this - as it is something you both need to be working together on!
As for the Cancer book - make sure you read it thoroughly before showing it to him. His understanding is much lower than other kids, and the book may actually confuse him more.
I would speak to his school and SLT if you can and get boardmaker involved with him. You can buy it yourself - but very expensive. Make him symbols showing what is happening next. This will often alieviate some of the difficult behaviours as he knows what to expect next.

Not quite boardmaker but same idea
http://www .helpkidzlearn.com/parents/interactive_visual_timetable.html
http://www. do2learn.com/
you can buy piles of symbols pre-made from Ebay as well.
Hope this all helps some. If you need any more pm me, or email me (one in my details) and I will help if I can
xx

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Thanks. Will have a look at the sites you have listed. He was under a CAMMS due to having panic attacks and phobias of everyday items ie soap and washing his hands then eating and his worker held a caff meeting where it was decided that he wasnt coping with everyone working in one go. yet considering what some children you work with his was only a handful. ( ped, womans aid, social worker and CAMMS.) He is in a main stream school but he is in the nurture room. He has only been there since Jan 2010 so unless they are following his IEP from the other school nothing has been sorted as they was applying for funding and his previous school apparently didnt send any information thru. when we got his ASD and ADHD confirmed it felt like because i wasnt prepared to put him on meds they was unhelpful and sent me away to seriously think about them. I really only am learning stuff from his teachers and internet so i think the next time i go back to see her im gonna be alot more forceful in asking questions.

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Sorry I can't help, but I wanted to say that you seem to be coping really well with everything. You must remember to find time for yourself aswell, you need to be there for your family but you are no good to them if you are totally exhausted.

Fi has given you lots of ideas to try so I hope your son improves soon.

Take Care and remeber we are always here to listen and help where we can
xx

Hello and Welcome!

Im sorry to hear you are having such a difficult and stressful time., I am not sure how to help but I just wanted to say hello and that I am thinking about you. sounds like Fi has some great advice and resources for you, with her being a special needs teacher I am sure her advice and help will be invaluable to you. Take care xx

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Shell, def get that IEP sorted. It is his legal right to have that in place - as soon as he moved school. Is he still under Camms? Up here CAMMS are just meetings with all the agencies involved with the child, and never actually all work at the same time with a child - basically a chance to chat about progress, nextr steps, what would be best etc.
Get back in touch with the CAMMS people again and ask for another meeting to set as you feel he needs more support. Speech therapist to start with, and then specialsit help for him within the nuture room.
Also get onto his SW and ask about respite. It is essential for you and him. It gives you time away from him, and him time away from you. Normally in the form of a few hours a week, or an overnight once a month or something. I think you really need this respite time for yourself - especially with you describe going on just now.
As for the washing hands etc that can be quite common for ASD kids. He sounds like he is displaying a sensory disorder. This can easily be helped by encouraging him to play with messy items - shaving foam, playdough, gloop, etc. This helps build his tolerance up for such things on his hands. Also brushing different textures accross his hands regularly throughout the day will help lessen his sensory difficulties.
xx

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*update* did a story for him with simple words about how his nanna is on special medication to try and make her better and why i may seam alittle stressed out which he seamed to understand and asked questions on. I alsso showed him photos of when he was about 3 and he was with his nanna when she had no hair. (she wont wear wigs) and explained why and how she is feeling etc. Today i took both my children to the hospital to see her since she lost her hair and i could have cried. He acted just like i hadn't told him anything and was really insensitive. he even would give her a hug b4 we left and told her he couldnt because he might get hair on him. there was times i could have crawled down the nearest worm hole as his comments was really hurtful. My 3 yr old seamed to be ok with it all. when i spoke to him about the way he acted and how this hurt his nanas feelings it was like water off a ducks back. Im now dreading taking him up again but she misses seeing them as she has a very close bond with all her grandchildren x

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