Thanks girls and your comments made me cry.
mil had a turn for the worse last night and they have given her meds so she's sleeping alot now for a few days.. so she won't be coming home for a long while yet..
i spoke to fil this morning and said i can't cope and he will think about the macmillan nurses again.
Louis has been really good and this morning he came into my bed and said mommy i love u so much and so happy your my mommy..
It was just the lift i needed today...