yes, you can laugh – at or with me, same difference lol – but i’m having palpitations and night sweats over this. 

you see, i’ve finally fulfilled my ambition and had the opportunity to be a full-time mummy when Nathan left nursery on 23rd June and we’ve had an awesome time doing whatever we pleased whenever the mood took us. we’ve been to meet daddy in the City for lunch, taken a day trip to Paulton’s Park, spent days and nights at friends’ homes, been to the local parks, did an intensive swimming course, attended a local church’s playscheme, helped the elderly paint with watercolours at the Holiday at Home scheme, spread a duvet on the living room floor and ate popcorn for hours pretending it was a cinema, gone shopping for his school uniform and shoes, had a toy sale one Saturday and have had random visits and sleepovers, we played bingo in the summerhouse, had a BBQ, been to various magic shows – all of which have been excellent fun! yet i’m dreading him going off to school…

i’ve spent every waking moment with him, absorbing him in these last months, weeks and days before he becomes a schoolboy. that’s it, that’s my problem right there! he’s not going to be a little kiddywink going to nursery anymore. no, my little pumpkin is going to be a schoolboy. 

i’ve got a home visit from his new teacher this Monday – lovely lady, met her at the introductory and induction sessions – (what do i discuss with her? what will she want to know? will she give me tips? OMD this is some serious pressure! will tomorrow’s visit determine how she views Nathan for the rest of the school year?) then he starts in full school uniform on Monday 12th for mornings only (settling-in period) and from Monday 19th September 2011, my little boy will be at school all day, every day.

will he still want to curl up on my lap, play with my hair, sing lullabies into my ear? will he still want ‘huggles’? will he still think that Eskimo kisses are the most affection you can show someone or will he think he’s too grown up? will he still want to hold my hand in the street or hug my leg and put my arm around his shoulder as we walk along together?

over the past couple years, people on the street often mistook Nathan for being older than he actually was as he is quite tall, so i took great satisfaction in informing them that he was only 2 and therefore entitled to still be in a stroller if he wanted to be or that he was not at school because he was not of school-age so i was not being a negligent parent having him at home on a school-day. that smugness has been stripped from me now. if i put him in a stroller or walked with him in my arms because he was tired or kept him at home then i would be an unfit parent! how unfair the other side of the coin is!?!

i don’t want to lose my little pumpkin but i can’t see how i can make him stay this way without social services or police getting involved lol. my hubby thinks i’m being an over-dramatic saddo (i think he’s in denial about his own feelings ha ha!). i can’t help how i’m feeling. is this normal? have any of you experienced anything like this? how did you cope?

how am i going to deal with these feelings? *no violence, please! lol*

please, please, please reassure me that i’m not alone!