Costs
Because charges vary, ask for a written estimate before completing your arrangements. Some funeral directors provide free funerals for babies.
This includes a simple white coffin and all the documentation involved in arranging the funeral. There may be other costs involved, for example, the cremation.
If you receive Income Support, Income-based Jobseeker.s Allowance, Housing Benefit Council Tax Benefit, Working Families. Tax Credit, Disabled Person 's Tax Credit and cannot afford a funeral, ask your JobCentre Plus for advice about receiving payment for the funeral from the social fund before making any funeral arrangements.
There is a maximum payment from the social fund which covers some of the cost of the funeral. The amount depends on the average cost of a funeral in your area. You can also receive some money towards the other funeral costs.
Burial or cremation?
Your priest, minister or funeral director can help you decide whether to have a burial or cremation. Make sure you give yourself enough time to make the decision.
You could, for example, choose:
• a service at your own place of worship or cemetery chapel and burial in a churchyard or local cemetery. If you live in a parish where burials still take place in the churchyard, your baby should be entitled to a Christian burial there, if you wish, whether or not you are of that denomination.
• a service at your own place of worship or at the crematorium, and then a cremation
• to attend the service but not the committal at the crematorium
• a non-religious ceremony. This can be arranged by you, by family or friends or by organisations including The British Humanist Association.
• a service, religious or not, in your own home
• a service of thanksgiving some time after the funeral.
You can discuss the choice of songs, hymns, music, readings and poetry for the ceremony with those responsible for the service.
Ask what rights you will have concerning ownership of the burial or cremation plots, what type of memorial will be allowed, and the costs.
Clothing
You can choose your baby 's clothes for the funeral or use a gown or shroud supplied by the funeral director. It is not necessary for cosmetics to be used nor for your baby to be embalmed unless the body is moved to another country.
Coffin
A coffin is used normally for burial or cremation. Discuss with your funeral director the type and colour. It is possible to make and supply your own. However, you should discuss this with a funeral director or crematorium superintendent.
You may wish to place a small favourite toy or other memento in the coffin. Although this is always possible with burial, regulations for cremation may impose limitations.
You may like to take pictures of the coffin and flowers or ask someone to take the photographs for you.
Transport
You can request a small car rather than a hearse, or carry the coffin in your own or a friend 's car.
Bearers
You and your family may wish to carry the coffin, or the funeral director can provide bearers.
Flowers
You may wish to make your own floral arrangements or have cut flowers from the garden. As an alternative you could nominate a charity for friends and family to support.
Other children at the funeral
It may be helpful to involve brothers and sisters in the funeral so that they can share the grief and say .good-bye.. A member of your family or a friend could be asked to help care for them at the funeral.
The ashes
If you choose cremation, it should be possible for the crematorium to provide ashes following the cremation of an infant. Ask in advance. If the crematorium you contact say they cannot do it, you may need to ask them to contact others or provide details of one that will. You can choose to have the ashes, for example:
• placed in the crematorium garden of remembrance
• placed in another crematorium or a favourite place with the land-owner 's permission
• buried in a local churchyard, cemetery or other place of worship
If you wish to arrange for the committal of the ashes on the same day as the cremation this should be possible if the cremation is held in the morning.
You can also choose to delay any final decision concerning the ashes.
Memorials
Most crematoria, some churches and other places of worship have a book of remembrance in which you may have your baby.s name entered. If you wish to have a headstone or memorial tablet, seek advice from your funeral director and ask for estimates. There are regulations concerning the types of memorial stones allowed in churchyards and cemeteries. You may prefer to plant a tree or bush or have some other memorial.
You may want to keep your own memorial such as a memory box or a memory book, containing items that help you commemorate your baby 's life.
You may also like to include a memorial to your baby on FSID 's website
(www.sids.org.uk/fsid/) or in the Your Baby pages of this site. You can leave a poem, photograph or just a few words about your baby, which other parents and visitors to the site will be able to see. If you do not have access to the internet, then FSID can send you a print-out of your baby 's page.
Financial arrangements
It will be necessary to return your child benefit book and ask for a new one if you have other children. Orders after your baby 's death should not be cashed.
Savings accounts in your baby 's name will need to be closed
Mothers are entitled to free dental treatment and free prescriptions for one year following the birth of a baby, even if the baby dies.
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