Taking the leap back into the dating world after having children is incredibly difficult.
There are so many more factors to consider, as not only are you thinking for yourself, you're thinking for your kids. In this situation, it's never been more important to find someone that fits into your life without a glitch and becomes a positive force in your children's lives. Rather than going on the theory that opposites attract, try to ensure that you share these key similarities:
Similar stages of lifeAge is a particularly important element to think about when choosing a new match. Try to set your sights on someone who is of a similar age and at a similar stage of life as you. Dating a much younger or older guy will really confuse the children and make it harder for them to trust them. Plus, someone younger may not be able to handle the responsibility of dating someone with children, and someone older may not have the energy to help look after them!
Similar PlansSimilar stages of life should also mean you share similar plans. There should be no grand ambition to move to France and open a chocolate shop, for example. You should both be settled and comfortable, not yearning unfulfilled dreams. The last thing you want is to introduce your children to someone who will swan off to the other side of the world in half a year. Both you and your children should feature prominently in any of your match's future plans.
Similar PrioritiesWhen looking for new relationships, you also need to make sure you share similar priorities. You need someone who is willing to put in as much time with your children as you do. If he's a career-crazy pro-golfer who jets off to foreign climes every other week, it may be best to avoid him. Your kids need stability, and someone with different priorities to you simply won't be able to deliver that.
Similar BaggageIt might also be wisest to choose a match who can empathise with your situation because they've been there before. Someone with a rocky relationship track record is likely to be accepting and sensitive about your children, particularly if they've had some of their own. However, there are obviously some complications when going down this road, so make sure you don't get mixed up in anything too complex.
From age to lifestyle, make sure you're particularly picky when choosing a match. Remember that not only do they need to match you, but they also need to match the kids. Using free dating sites online is a great way to narrow the field. These sites can actually directly match for age, priorities and interests. Plus, you can go through the initial introductory stages from the comfort of your own home, without even having to hire a babysitter!
Feb 2011
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Dating and Relationship Advice for Single Mums
