I did something I vowed I would never do. I asked someone I had only met a handful of times why she didn’t have children
It’s not because having gone to ‘the other side’ I now find it impossible to believe that a woman can feel complete sans sprogs… it’s just that while trying to keep up the chitter chatter of polite conversation and simultaneously wipe baby sick off my shoulder, retrieve a chunk of my hair from a twin fist and prepare a bottle before lip wobbling turned to wailing all I could think about was babies. So I uttered the immortal ‘do you think you’ll want children one day?’ The obvious answer to this question given the scene I have described was presumably ‘not bloody likely’.
I cringe when I re-live the aforementioned scene but to be honest the childless woman got off lightly. I may have clumsily committed the ‘don’t you want babies’ crime but I could have bored her with a run-down of 101 new things to worry about when you become known as Mum…
Since I gave birth four months ago the following horror stories have hit the headlines:
 Being born even a couple of weeks prematurely can have negative implications in terms of academic achievement later in life
Ceasarian babies are denied the immune system boost of a natural birth
Controlled crying leads to mental imbalance
Children’s car seats are not satisfactory and even at a nominal speed baby can go hurtling through the windscreen
It’s not that I’ve gone looking for things to worry about – these headlines just leap out at me. The twins and I nearly made it to full term but at 38weeks and a little bit have I stunted their academic potential already? Will they be sickly because they were lifted not squeezed into the world? It’s not always physically possible to pick both boys up if they cry simultaneously… is the one picked up last accumulating mental scars? We don’t drive in London but now I will have to add Car Seat Carnage to the list of travelling stress points…Sigh.
The aforementioned headlines coupled with daily Mumercise (the extraordinary amount of lifting, bending, stretching and balancing required to navigate through each 24 hour period) have left me achey, stressed and sore. So I went on strike and hid in The Sanctuary, Covent Garden, for a heavenly afternoon flip flopping around in slippers and a toweling robe. For one whole blissful hour my poor saggy baggy stretched body was treated to a little tlc and I floated home on a souk scented Marrakech massage cloud.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and my brief post pamper encounter with the person formerly known as Katy has slipped into the shadows of time and I am once again lost in Mum-dom. This is not a bad thing. I just wish I could recapture the pregnancy hormones that gave the illusion of bright eyed, bushy tailed bounce in spite of sleep deprivation.
Sadly Mother Nature likes to keep her recipes secret and I cannot buy rosy-cheeked wholesome health in a bottle. Chanel is good but even Mat Lumiere foundation doesn’t rival the inner radiance that runs away just when you start getting used to it; clear skin and glossy hair on a diet of no sleep, chocolate and New Mum Love….
I am currently sat with a Montagne Jeunesse face pack on trying not to worry about the latest in a long line of headlines to make me miserable; ‘Mummy Bloggers who share too much, risk repercussions’. Great.
Katy Hymas – Mummy Blogger
July 2010
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The 'Other' in Mother
