Having a child doesn’t need to mean the end of romantic aspirations.
‘Dating’ and ‘parenting’ are rarely considered as compatible terms and the possible complications arising from combining the two can often put single parents off. Finding the time in a busy schedule, preparing your child, preparing your ex-husband, hiring a babysitter; the whole process can seem a little daunting at first glance. But, by following these four golden rules, you will see that it’s not only easy to begin dating again, but it may also be essential for your own well-being.
IndependenceDo not let your identity as a mother become your only identity. After having a baby, it’s very easy to fall into this trap as your newborn occupies your every thought. Your profile picture on Facebook is not of you anymore but of you and your child. This is perfectly natural and motherhood is a wonderfully encompassing state, but don’t forget about your own personal needs in the process. Neglecting yourself may make you unhappy and in a worse frame of mind to care for your child. When it comes to dating, you should be able to make time for meeting new people and not always with your child-in-tow as this would automatically create your identity first and foremost as a mother. Going out with your friends, dating online or starting a new evening class or activity are just a few suggestions.
Also, once you have met someone, keep this independence in mind. Do not let them construct your personality wholly in relation to your child. And let this independence run through to your decisions in terms of the relationship too. Whilst being considerate, do not let either your new partner or your child influence your better judgement. Make independent and rational decisions.
HonestyLet them know the truth from the very beginning. Both your child and anyone you’re dating has the right to know the facts from the start. Make it clear to potential partners that you are a devoted mother and if this information puts them off then they’re not worth bothering with. You should try and inform your child of the situation as well, how detailed your explanation will depend on their age.
PatienceTake it very slowly. Whilst keeping your child informed, you shouldn’t introduce big terms such as ‘boyfriend’ until you feel that you are definitely ready to commit to something. Using the term ‘friend’ is a good place to start, especially with young children. Not until you are completely sure that you trust the person and see a real future with them should you enter into a relationship and introduce them as a boyfriend. Even showing affection in front of your child is inadvisable at first. Let them ease into the idea of it: it’s a sensitive area!
ConsiderationMake your own decisions but be considerate. Ask your child if you can go on that London dating day out that you have planned for the weekend. If they are not happy with the idea then try to compromise: find an enjoyable activity for them to do while you’re out, the cinema or a daytrip to the zoo for example. A reliable babysitter who gets on well with your child is another essential find. Also, do not be afraid to cancel plans if you feel it’s imprudent for you to commit to them.
If you stick to these four golden rules, you will not fail to keep the romance alive in your life and you may find that ‘dating’ and ‘parenting’ actually fit together rather well.
Apr 2010
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