I have had two months to get used to the fact that I am pregnant with twins and in two days I will find out the sexes.
There is no history of twins on either side so to say we were surprised at the 12 week scan when the Nurse casually asked if we knew there were two babies would be somewhat of an understatement. I was rendered speechless for the next 20 minutes while my partner was quick to announce that we were no longer having a baby, we were having a family. Gold star to him for taking it in his stride!
We saw two gorgeous babies moving and squirming and sucking thumbs and smiling and, despite the shock, they looked so perfect it was impossible to wish it were any other way.Expecting TwinsThere is something magical about carrying twins but I am not too proud to admit that there have been tears of pure terror as well as joy. I worry I won’t cope, I worry I won’t bond with both babies in the way I had hoped to with one, I’m sad I won’t be able to carry my child around with me in a pouch and breast feed discreetly in a coffee shop. I worry about trying for a natural birth in case one twin gets into trouble, I worry about the recovery from a cesarean, I worry I won’t be able to cuddle both babies as soon as they are born, I worry I won’t know how to hold them…. I worry I’ve given them salmonella because I gave in to the lure of an egg mayonnaise sandwich and wonder if that was my first taste of maternal guilt?
My Twin status spread fast– mainly thanks to stalker book (aka facebook) and my phone and inbox soon filled with assorted messages from friends, family and forgottens… Those ‘once-upon-a-time’ faces who would happily have faded from memory if it weren’t for cyber space. Some messages were warm and helpful while others bordered on cruel. ‘Rather you than me’ from a Mum of three was one of the milder irksome emails. And then there were the strangers who were down right rude. I have had people I don’t know tell me I may as well abandon all hope of ever returning to my pre-bump wardrobe because my ribcage will never go back to normal. Excuse me? I wanted to kick aforementioned stranger in the shins and run away and would have done if the tears I was biting back weren’t blurring my vision. Plus I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of solo time with my boyfriend. Couldn’t help but feel her anti-sisterhood comments were aimed at making me feel as unattractive as possible.
Luckily the real friends that feature in my life have been fantastic. The ones I actually spend time with and talk to as opposed to the computer cut outs of people I met someplace… They’ve made me tea and fed me cake and assured me that the belly fuzz I seem to have developed is normal and no, I am not going to turn into a cat with a litter. They ooh and aah over teeny tiny baby grows and assure me I won’t drop my babies, and even if one one were to slip out of the crook of my arm a little they are tougher than they look…. And they humored me when I burst into tears in a flagship baby store at the sight of all the Mummy plus one gift sets because there were none for Mummy plus two. They understand what it feels like to really miss your favourite feel good jeans and arrange for ginger beer to be poured into champagne flutes so I don’t feel left out.
My Mum has finally admitted that obviously she IS old enough to be a Grandma and thinks she might like to be called Grandmum as it sounds a bit younger. My sister can’t wait to be an Auntie and Dad is just about over the shock. Very early on the babies felt bigger than me – they mean so much to so many already and I know I am not the only one who can’t wait to meet them.
I know I am not the first woman to feel anxious about a ‘bonus baby’ but in a buy one get one free world this is one deal I wasn’t prepared for. The PR company I set up last year is doing well but any optimistic plans I had for assuring clients I would be working from home after three months and back in-house after six seem somewhat academic now. The organized chaos I planned to achieve with one toddler seems like a distant memory and I look to the future with even more uncertainty…and even more excitement.
My babies already fascinate, inspire and intrigue me and I am sure they will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I could watch them on that black and white monitor all day. In fact a bit of me thinks they can stay exactly where they are, at their current size forever. They look adorable, make friends and family happy, don’t cause too much mischief and I still have enough hands to carry them and me around with ease! I wonder how it is they seem so different, twin one always quiet and chilled and twin two more active. What do they think about when they are yet to see or hear anything outside of the womb? Will they need me less when they are born because they are already used to having each other? Is there enough love for everyone or is three a crowd?
Katy Hymas plus 2
October 2009
At 28 Katy is reluctant to hang up her party shoes for good just yet but admits that, at 5 months pregnant with twins, they may not get much wear over the coming months.
Having set up a PR company last year Motherhood was not exactly written into the business plan but the babies are a welcome surprise and someday, somehow, Katy hope she can have it all; shiny shoes and a business suit, party shoes and nights out... and of course two healthy, happy bundles of joy.
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The 'Other' in Mother
