I used to think that, as a journalist on a national newspaper, I was under a lot of pressure.
When friends who’d had babies told me that it was harder work being at home looking after children than having a job, I secretly scoffed.
For goodness sake, compared to living with the roller coaster of life in a hectic office, how hard could it be to care for one little person?
And then I had a baby.
It was then that I finally understood. There truly is no experience more relentless or all-consuming than that of being a mother. Like the millions of mums before me, I was utterly shocked by how little time I had to myself when I became a parent.
Suddenly I couldn’t put down Lily to wash my hair without her wailing. Soon I couldn’t even go to the loo without her wanting to sit on my lap. I’d tidy up the house, but as fast as I could pick up toys, Lily would throw them on the floor. She’d tell me she was hungry and then didn’t like what I’d cook. I’d give her everything she asked for, and she’d look around and dream up more demands.
It was, just as my friends had tried to warn me, more than a full-time job. Like so many other mums, I became like the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. From the moment I opened my eyes in the morning, it felt as though I were in an unwinnable race against a stopwatch – constantly in a panic, always late, noticing only the time, instead of the life that was passing me by.
The spare moments I did have were spent trying to cover over my under-eye bags, feeling guilty about being a poor parent – and wondering ....... where it had all gone wrong. Morning melt-downs were a regular occurrence. I still remember looking down in horror one morning at my coat at the school gates - and realizing it was on inside-out.When a friend told me her husband had compared me to one of the Desperate Houswives. Teri Hatcher, I ventured hopefully? No a frazzled Felicity Huffman.
Right, that was it. There had to be an easier way – and some way to find some more time to enjoy my child, instead of just surviving the day. OK, so I couldn’t afford a much in the way of childcare – and there were no grandparents on the scene to help - but surely life had to be a bit easier than this?
From then on, I started make a conscious effort to find ways to cut out the irritating distractions, frustrations and lost minutes that were making a hard job of being a working mother even harder. And, as I turned my mind to it, I gradually worked out ways to streamline the dozens of tasks I needed to do every day to keep the show on the road.
I also spoke to other mums and, as a journalist, I sought experts in all kinds of areas - and tested them each and every idea. Many were just subtle changes I made to my routine as I went along, like buying products in supermarkets that were easier to use or open, or focusing on toys and activities that wouldn’t need so much picking up after.
But though it became obvious to me there was an epidemic of exhausted mothers out there, just like me, I was amazed to see that, despite the shelves of books telling me how to be the perfect parent, not a single one addressed how to find the TIME to be that person in the first place!
It was then that I felt a realistic book needed to be written about what mothers need now. And as the latest official figures show that nearly two-thirds women hold down a job while bringing up a toddler, I honestly believe this book has never been more essential, especially when few of us can afford to hire more help.
But let make it clear. How to be an Amazing Mum When You Just Don't Have the Time: The Ultimate Handbook for Hassled Mothers is NOT about rushing your children. Nothing, repeat nothing, could be more counterproductive.Hurrying kids only makes them needier and more demanding.
It’s a book of short cuts that means you can spend MORE time concentrating on your children, making them feel once again they are the most important people in your life. There are no complicated lists to fill out or six-week action plans to add to your already loaded to-do list.
This book will show you, here and now, how you really can do everything quicker. But don’t feel it’s just for working mothers. It’s for any parent who just wants to spend less time tidying, cleaning and washing, and have more time to enjoy their kids. It applies just as much to the brand new mum – who can’t find a moment to wash her hair – as to the company director who’s struggling to get her three kids to school by 9 a.m.
Some ideas will apply to your life and others won’t. Dip in and out and try a few at a time. Keep this book in your handbag for the thirty seconds you snatch when the baby’s asleep in the back of the car, or the ten minutes when you finally get a seat on the train home.
The reason I wrote this book is because when I brought my first baby, Lily, home I promised her that I would be an amazing mother. But, when other pressures started to steal away the hours I always meant to spend with her, I became less and less the parent I wanted to be.
This book is about trying to help yourself– and other mothers – reclaim that promise. You have nothing to gain but time: for your kids, your partner and, ultimately, yourself.
By Tanith Carey
May 2009
Buy 'How to be an Amazing Mum When You Just Don't Have the Time: The Ultimate Handbook for Hassled Mothers' Here Now! |
30 Something and the Clock is Ticking
